📌🛑 *HOW TO HANDLE SIBLING RIVALRY

📌🛑 *HOW TO HANDLE SIBLING RIVALRY* Gen37:3-4

The hack-causes of sibling rivalry is preference of parental love, favoritism and responsibilities among children.

So, let's start by looking at few attributes in children that make  parent love a child more than another

1. Sex of the child. Some parents place preference in male child than female, in some cases ,father show more love to female child(Electra complex) at the expense of the male child, mothers too also show love to male child (Oedepus complex) at the expense of the female child.

2. The obedience and responsibility of the child at home. wayward children are treated most times as black sheep or bad apple in the family.

3. Talent and potential. 

4. Academic excellence. Parent generally have a soft spot for brilliant children. 

5. Resemblance. It's easier to love a child that resembles u more than the others.

6. Personal bias on the part of the parents. Humans are naturally bias, and this play out in homes too. 

7. Financial status and responsibilities of the child over them. As expected, parents love children who are rich and take care of them than those who don't have. 

8. Prophecy and future predictions about the child. Some parents hinge their love and commitment to children base on prophetic messages or projections they received concerning them.

Regardless of the reasons you might have for preferring a child above another, this doesn't justify your action as being right. You are wrong and you should change for better. 

 The reason is that, preference and favoritism in parental love is the major cause of rivalry among siblings. 

As parents, regardless of who and what your child is to you, either good or bad, responsible or not, dull or brilliant, moral or immoral, you must endeavor to love him without putting others before him. If you ever desire to see him change and become a choice child, you must set your love straight among your children, no child is happy seeing his parents prefer his sibling above  them.

*Effects of sibling rivalry in home*

1. Disunity in home

2. Conflicts and bitterness among siblings

3. Revenge; Children take it out on their parents and siblings later in the future

4. Mental instability and trauma on the part of the victim

5. Susceptibility of homes to demonic attacks

6. Violence and incessant fights among siblings and many more

*Tips on how to solve sibling rivalry*

1. Love your children unconditionally. Regardless of their lifestyle, morals, academic performance or responsibility. 

2.Word of affirmation, express love  to them through words of affirmation everyday. That you love them all equally  regardless of any condition they might find themselves

3. Ensure gender equality among siblings. Don't set male above female and vice versa

4. Let there be equity 

in the sharing of resources among children. Avoid partiality

5. Create an atmosphere of love and unity at home, wherever you notice friction, grudges and conflicts among your children, address it immediately, don't allow things to fester

6. Do not show excessive love and affection to a child more than the other

7. Give to one , what you give to all

8. Train them in the way of the Lord. Godly children have a natural way of getting along. Wayward children will sabotage your efforts no matter how much you try to treat them equally.they'd still grow bitter and resentment of their siblings because of their  insecurity and crooked ways

9. Rest and trust God with all your hearts concerning your children, don't see any child as useless or inferior to others regardless of what's is happening in their lives presently. Tables always turn. A child you see as nothing today might be the only candle in your darkness tomorrow.

10.Don't allow prophets, prophetic messages or predictions to determine your love for your children. 

11.Pray for your children.

12. Communicate well with your children. Don't assume your children understand why you treat a child a certain way different from others. For example you can say, "Your elder sister just got admitted in the university, we'd be sending a monthly allowance for her upkeep". Children are very naive and childish, good communication on the side of parents would let them understand that resources are meant to be shared with equity and not with equality. Equality means resources are shared with the same value among children, leaving some having more and some having less because individual needs are different. 

While Equity means sharing resources with justice, impartiality and fairness.

Equitable distribution means resources are  shared according to the needs of each children ensuring no one lacks while another has in excess.

13. Stop comparing your children to themselves.

 Children are unique in their own way, no child behaves or turns out the same way. You got to embrace and celebrate differences in your children. Never say things like;  Why can't you be like your brother? Or your sister is more cute than you? Comparison sucks and breeds rivalry and friction among children.

14. Go for counseling incase of hard and protracted  siblings rivalry

Sibling rivalry is one of the last traumas you'd want your children go through. The consequences are harrowing. Guard your home against it.

*Written by*

*Akinwumi Victoria Mercy*

 _*Child  development expert and  Teacher Kids Kingdom School Idiroko, Ibadan*._