5 Effective Parenting Strategies to Parent Children with Difficult Behaviours

Does your child’s behavior leave you feeling like you’re constantly running kiti kiti, kata kata?

By WENDY OLOGE 

You’re not alone. Many parents struggle with challenging behaviors. But before you resort to yelling, and punishment, take a deep breath and consider this: there might be a reason behind those outbursts.

This blog post dives into the root causes of difficult behaviors in children, and equips you with 5 effective parenting strategies to navigate these situations calmly and constructively. Let’s move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling empowered in your parenting journey!

Often, we discuss children’s misbehavior without delving into its root causes. Let’s categorize these causes into three factors:

1 . Developmental Factors: Unmet developmental needs can lead to misbehavior. Children act out when essential needs like autonomy, competence, and social skills aren’t fulfilled. A common example is lacking social skills. When a child misses out on learning expected behaviors, it can lead to challenges. For instance, if a child should be able to bathe independently but is not given the opportunity, it can create difficulties for both the child and the parent. This sets off a chain reaction of struggles within the household. Another critical factor is brain development. Immature brain development can result in impulsive and emotionally driven behavior, especially in younger children who struggle with regulating their emotions. It’s a misconception that children should naturally know how to regulate their emotions; it’s a skill that needs to be taught. Parents play a crucial role in this by understanding normal child development. For example, tantrums are a normal part of childhood, but it’s essential for parents to address them appropriately. Failure to do so can result in adults who struggle to manage their emotions. To raise emotionally resilient children, parents must first equip themselves with the necessary knowledge and skills.

Environmental Factors:
Family Dynamics: Many parents overlook understanding their family dynamics, often resulting in comparisons with other families and children. This can trigger rebellion in children, leading to conflicts, stress, and instability within the family environment, which in turn can impact a child’s behavior. Environmental factors within the family also encompass divorce, single parenting, family trauma, and inconsistent family practices.

Your Influence: You are the most significant influence on your child’s environment. The environment you create for your child goes beyond mere values. The outcome of a child’s development is shaped by who raised them, how they were raised, where they were raised, and the knowledge of those who raised them. Your ignorance can affect your child’s behavior positively or negatively. It’s crucial to reflect on whether your environment causes trauma for your child. Often, unnecessary drama stemming from past generations’ parenting traumas influences current parenting styles. There is a pressing need to redefine parenting for the well-being of our children. 

Peer Influence: Negative peer relationships and experiences of bullying can lead to challenging behaviors, as children often mimic behaviors observed in their peers. Peer influence constitutes another significant environmental factor.

It’s essential for caregivers to understand trauma and address their own trauma as well. Sometimes, the trauma our children experience stems from our own past experiences. Notably, individuals raised without aggression are less likely to exhibit aggressive behaviors.

Biological Factors: Some children may be genetically predisposed to certain behaviors. Understanding this aspect can facilitate dealing with misbehaviors more effectively.

Effective Parenting Strategies to use include: 

1.   Build your calm – This is the reason for our No Yelling Challenge in the academy. You need consistency in building your calm. Changing your children starts by changing you. 

2.   Learn positive communication – Foster open and positive communication. 

3.   Collaborative problem solving – Involve your child in finding solutions. Don’t just solve your problems alone. Encourage them to brainstorm ideas. When you collaborate in problem solving, it promotes a sense of empowerment and responsibility in your child. It can also lead to learning important skills such as negotiation and compromising which can help prevent future difficult behaviours. 

4.   Emotional regulation techniques – Teach your children how to manage their emotions. Teach your child techniques for handling their emotions. 

5.   Be consistent and predictable. Unpredictability is the enemy of parenting. Establish clear and consistent routines in your home. Consistency provides stability and it helps your child to know what to expect. It reduces anxiety, confusion, confrontation, commotion and chaos which contributes to difficult behaviours. You must do all these with calm. 

Understand that your child is being raised whether you are doing it or not. So you need to put in the time to raise them the right way. 

Written by WENDY OLOGE 

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